Three Things I’ve Learned about Happiness

August 4, 2026

As of recent I’ve been thinking about the best mindset that one should ideally have as they approach (the naturally) ever increasing challenges of adulthood. It’s often incredibly hard to find a balance between feeling unsatisfied with where you stand and thereby feel motivated to improve, versus having overwhelming thoughts of inadequacy that paralyze your life.

here are some of the things ive finally gotten the chance to put into words!

1. Believe that things will work out for you.

“Luck has the power to transform both our personal and professional lives. To many, this is a terrifying idea. Most people like to think that they are in control of their future. They try hard to obtain certain outcomes and avoid others, but, to a large extent, this feeling of control is an illusion. Luck makes a mockery of even our best intentions. It has the power to change everything, within seconds, for better or worse. Any time, any place and without warning.” -The Luck Factor

This is probably the single most important belief that you should hold. Even if (actually, especially if) you find yourself feeling like the world is unfair to you, it’s impertinent that you believe that you are lucky. A Veritasium video notes that “luck” is an influential factor in game theory, but that you should operate as though it is not. The book “The Luck Study” by Richard Wiseman in a similar vein claims that considering yourself a lucky person seems to correspond directly with instances of genuine luck and fortune—a domino like effect!

But why? Those who believed that luck was on their side would often be more courageous, more likely to notice spontaneous opportunities, and find (lucky) solutions to (unlucky) problems they encounter. Furthermore, when these people do eventually face unfortunate circumstances, e.g., barely missing a bus, get lost, do something embarrassing, and so on—they tend to reframe the situation with feelings of gratitude. “After all, things could always be so much worse.”

When you believe that good things will inevitably happen to you, you’ll intentionally look for them! And the more you focus on the good, the bigger its’ proportion will take in your life :> This is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and thus is beneficial for you to believe regardless of what the “truth” is.

2. For those who are accomplishment, prestige, and result driven, everything is indeed a comparison.

For those who want to be successful, you will undoubtedly place pressure on yourself regardless of your specific definition of success. Mindsets and people are self selecting, or in other words, you’ll usually find yourself in communities that share the same energy and goals as you. If you are a motivated person, you attract other motivated people. This section describes a very specific type of person—people who are more accomplishment driven than passion driven—and is not meant to be a generalization of the average ambitious person!

“Don’t compare yourself to others” is a contradiction towards these people’s very drive. This is because in theory, those who are wired to optimize for happiness solely from results are driven by the exclusivity of what they do, and less about the specific task done to reach it. These people don’t feel the same level of satisfaction towards accomplishing something that is considered “easy”, versus one that is hailed “incredibly difficult” by others. But these benchmarks of what is considered “easy” or “hard” are arbitrary and depend on the “average” person, wherever this selected “average” might be. If your “average” is constantly updating to the increasingly accomplished, you’ll soon realize that exclusivity is genuinely nigh impossible.

This thought process is also made worse by the fact that we are taught to see success as the natural result of being smart and working hard. It’s the foundation upon which meritocracy is built—the meritocracy you and I climb everyday. If the system is fair, then anyone who deserves success will eventually get it. Yet, this also means that when things don’t work out, the assumption naturally follows that the problem must be you. “You weren’t disciplined enough, talented enough, or hardworking enough.” Even if luck or circumstance clearly played a part, failure still feels like a personal shortcoming.

Michael Sandel calls this the “tyranny of merit.” At some point, professional success stops being something that you have and starts feeling like evidence of what kind of person you are. Being successful means you are hardworking and deserving, while failing means you must have done something wrong. Of course this mentality creates a constant fear of failure, because every result begins to feel like some kind of moral judgement on your worth. Success becomes something you can never own, yet somehow must maintain.

Patrick Deneen makes a good argument about an aspect of liberalism that has failed as well. Essentially, modern society has focused so much on individual freedom and personal success that a lot of the communities and traditions which used to support people have weakened. You are now more free to build whatever life you want than ever before, but you are also expected to build it mostly by yourself. When there are fewer communities where you feel valued simply because you belong, market-defined success starts to become one of the only ways left to prove your worth. If you’re not careful, this culture can begin seeping into your own values as well. You too, might start evaluating others more for the way they’ve chosen to climb the meritocracy ladder and your preconceived notions of how one should climb this ladder-rather than trying to discover what kind of person someone is.

3. Decide your path.

…so now what? Are we supposed to accept the fact that we will never feel satisfied?

Not quite! My most recent epiphany with this has been that you cannot maximize results and happiness simultaneously. If you really cannot reprogram yourself to place less emphasis on the exclusivity of things, you must accept that you’ll never truly feel satisfied with where you are.

However, if you’ve decided that your goal is to optimize for maximum happiness, surround yourself with people who make you feel like you are enough! Set goals for yourself, and be proud when you reach them rather than constantly moving the goalpost further. Life is not a zero sum game, and the success of your peers doesn’t take away the value of yours.

I think this is why it is also important to invest in the parts of your life that have nothing to do with being impressive. Friendships, local communities, volunteer groups, clubs, and anywhere where people know you beyond what you accomplish. People who love you because of who you are rather than what you do. Find these “thick communities,” or places where you are valued for reasons that have nothing to do your output. It is much easier to survive failure when your entire identity isn’t resting constant success!

Lastly and most obviously, you also have to learn to be patient with yourself. Unconditional self-love sounds kind of cheesy, but I think it really just means believing that you are enough even before you accomplish whatever thing you are currently chasing. Otherwise, every goal becomes another test you have to pass before you are finally allowed to feel proud of yourself. There will always be another person to compare yourself to, another achievement to reach, and another goalpost to move.

Humans are wired to desire something, and life would be pretty aimless without goals. But goals are the side quests that you pick up to enrich your life further—not the requirements you must satisfy before you are allowed to enjoy your life!